Balancing
Between panic and panic
Just beyond reach
Crystalline portals
To new worlds
Beyond this one
Of heart rates and clenching
They take the forms
Of night skies
Dancing fields
Miniature hands
Shooting stars
Freckles faces
Celestial sounds
Always visible
Always audible
Always unattainable
Both escape and entrapment
Entryways and exits
I feel too much.
I have emotions that are far stronger than most people understand.
I feel my guts in knots over the slightest things.
I was a pushover.
I was a doormat.
To many people at too many times.
Maybe I’ve swung too much in the other direction.
Maybe my insecurity makes me seem prideful.
I’m just trying to stay out of the fetal position.
I’ve found myself in the stars.
I’ve found myself in freckles.
When stars and freckles aren’t present I’m often lost.
Am I really independent after all?
I’m a perfectionist about the things that don’t matter to other people.
I let the things that do slip through the cracks.
Am I determined to myself but lazy to others?
Maybe I’m too aware of the cracks in my personality.
Maybe I should step back and learn to live without worry.
Maybe I should pretend that’s even a possibility for me.
Is there such a thing as beneficial dysphoria?
It’s you and me in this nightmare
That’s as often as pleasant as it is painful
Shared dreams, shared cracks in the shell
Humanity intertwined
Let’s not forget each other in the maze
My dead ends need your ways through
And my soul needs the one that belongs to you
Years are a purifier
Straining and sifting
Polishing the edges
Gems refined
You and I are rough hewn stones
Pulled from the dirt
And returning to it
Wizened by time
There is value in age
A shimmer to experience
Lessons learned
Gems refined
Take these hands
Or at least one of them
And pull me along
Through twisted trees
I want the adventure of a lifetime
But more than once
Every sun setting
On a lesson learned
I won’t accept the blur
The draining of the seasons
Into passing memories
Unremembered
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