Mouth covered by reeds
Clawing through water
At the glittering sun
Above the surface
No screams
No silence
Just your heartbeat
Rhythms in the deep
Face drenched in sunlight
Rays dancing on the surface
Serenity’s lakeside
Beneath the cloud-sails
No screams
No silence
Just your heartbeat
Rhythms in the deep
I’ve been here before
There’s no difference
Broken is broken
Drowned is drowned
Buried is buried
But tomorrow I’ll be above ground
Terrified no more
(Just slightly anxious)
Sunlight
Does the anxiety-wracked body good
(Calms the nerves a bit)
Into my depths of black
Glowing serenity spins
(I think I mean you)
You may be distant
But you aren’t pointless
Detachment is a symptom
Of a beautiful soul
You write about lost love
I write about dying friendships
And chaotic nerves
Balancing
Between panic and panic
Just beyond reach
Crystalline portals
To new worlds
Beyond this one
Of heart rates and clenching
They take the forms
Of night skies
Dancing fields
Miniature hands
Shooting stars
Freckles faces
Celestial sounds
Always visible
Always audible
Always unattainable
Both escape and entrapment
Entryways and exits
I feel too much.
I have emotions that are far stronger than most people understand.
I feel my guts in knots over the slightest things.
I was a pushover.
I was a doormat.
To many people at too many times.
Maybe I’ve swung too much in the other direction.
Maybe my insecurity makes me seem prideful.
I’m just trying to stay out of the fetal position.
I’ve found myself in the stars.
I’ve found myself in freckles.
When stars and freckles aren’t present I’m often lost.
Am I really independent after all?
I’m a perfectionist about the things that don’t matter to other people.
I let the things that do slip through the cracks.
Am I determined to myself but lazy to others?
Maybe I’m too aware of the cracks in my personality.
Maybe I should step back and learn to live without worry.
Maybe I should pretend that’s even a possibility for me.
Is there such a thing as beneficial dysphoria?
There is a fine line
Between trudging wearily
And walking lightly
I’ve danced back and forth
Across that line
Anxiety will do that to a person
In a moment
The tide can turn
From fear to elation
From panic to relief
Back again
In spite of my body
My emotions dance gingerly
Atop the nerves
I’ve felt it two hundred thousand times
The rush of blood to the head
Dizziness that only barely masks the adrenaline
An unholy fear that this will be the end of you
Triggered by what?
Confrontation
Arguments
Expectations
Last night
Shaking
136 beats per minute
Is this normal?
It is for me
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