Poetry

Entryways and Exits

Balancing
Between panic and panic
Just beyond reach
Crystalline portals
To new worlds
Beyond this one
Of heart rates and clenching

They take the forms
Of night skies
Dancing fields
Miniature hands
Shooting stars
Freckles faces
Celestial sounds

Always visible
Always audible
Always unattainable
Both escape and entrapment
Entryways and exits

Poetry

Beneficial Dysphoria

I feel too much.
I have emotions that are far stronger than most people understand.
I feel my guts in knots over the slightest things.

I was a pushover.
I was a doormat.
To many people at too many times.
Maybe I’ve swung too much in the other direction.
Maybe my insecurity makes me seem prideful.
I’m just trying to stay out of the fetal position.

I’ve found myself in the stars.
I’ve found myself in freckles.
When stars and freckles aren’t present I’m often lost.
Am I really independent after all?

I’m a perfectionist about the things that don’t matter to other people.
I let the things that do slip through the cracks.
Am I determined to myself but lazy to others?

Maybe I’m too aware of the cracks in my personality.
Maybe I should step back and learn to live without worry.
Maybe I should pretend that’s even a possibility for me.
Is there such a thing as beneficial dysphoria?

Uncategorized

Smoke Breaks

I’ve always been a proponent of small breaks from your daily work to clear your mind, rest your eyes, and recharge your energy. For some people this takes the form of smoke breaks. Wouldn’t you say it’s a sad reflection on our priorities as a corporate society that people take up unhealthy habits just to get a small reprieve from the stressful grind of work? I have met people in my career that have done just that. They don’t take a break to smoke – they smoke so that they can take a break.

We as a society undervalue the benefits of a content and happy person. We focus on the amount of time put into a project rather than the gross amount of energy and excitement that is dedicated to it. This makes our most gifted individuals less productive, while all the while we operate under the assumption that they are more productive because they put in longer hours. That’s a backwards understanding of the human psyche.

This idea of the smoke break has applications in our personal, “extracurricular” lives as well. The average adult in the US spends 5 hours a day consuming visual media via one screen or another. If you consider that the average individual may only have 14 hours a day to distribute across work and other duties, that leave very little room for peace and quite. We are actively robbing ourselves of the time alone with our thoughts that is needed more than ever in today’s world. Our brains are shellshocked by the bombardment of eighteen different storylines from all of the shows that we watch – on top of the data that we feed into them at our places of work. It’s no wonder we are tired, anxious, and oblivious to the things that are most important.

All that said: we need more smoke breaks. I’m not encouraging you to take up the habit of polluting your body. Simply this: give your mind a rest. At work, at home, and at play. And I’m mostly speaking to myself.

Poetry

Relate

via Daily Prompt: Relate

It’s you and me in this nightmare
That’s as often as pleasant as it is painful
Shared dreams, shared cracks in the shell
Humanity intertwined

Let’s not forget each other in the maze
My dead ends need your ways through
And my soul needs the one that belongs to you

Poetry

Daily Prompt: Patina

via Daily Prompt: Patina

Years are a purifier
Straining and sifting
Polishing the edges
Gems refined

You and I are rough hewn stones
Pulled from the dirt
And returning to it
Wizened by time

There is value in age
A shimmer to experience
Lessons learned
Gems refined

Poetry

Clarity


Take these hands
Or at least one of them
And pull me along
Through twisted trees

I want the adventure of a lifetime
But more than once
Every sun setting
On a lesson learned

I won’t accept the blur
The draining of the seasons
Into passing memories
Unremembered

Uncategorized

Steps

I took a step in what you said was the right direction
Away from the connection and the dream
Finding myself able to believe my own deception
I left behind the oceanic sheen

Now I’m here
Standing in a place of solitude
And you’re there
Probably doing the same

And I fear
You’re afraid to face my gratitude
Because you care
And caring carries pain

Story

Backbiters

“What did you tell her after you were done?”

“I told her that her basement looked fine to me. I know she’s your friend, Mom, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t crazy.”

Julie Donovan was a case if Tim had ever met one. His mother’s best friend for over thirty years, Julie had plenty of stories that he was all too familiar with that proved his statement true.

His mother disagreed. “She’s not crazy, Tim! She lives alone, and it’s only natural that she gets frightened sometimes!”

“Frightened, sure. Making up elaborate stories about people living in her basement? That’s different, Mom!”

“You try sleeping by yourself for twenty years and then tell me that you aren’t scared on occasion!”

She was serious. She didn’t believe Julie’s stories, of course, but she did think Julie had reason to believe them herself.

“Mom, the things she was saying were happening down there aren’t just stories from a single lady that can’t sleep at night.”

“I know, Tim. But you checking it out for her should put an end to her worries. Right?”

“I hope so. I really do. But I’m not dealing with this anymore if it doesn’t. She only paid me ten bucks.”


 

Julie Donovan stood at the top of the wooden staircase that descended into the basement. Tim Northford had spent much longer than he had planned to down there because of her prodding. He hadn’t found a thing. Not a single trace of the visitors she had heard discussing her demise for the past few nights.

It was ironic, really. She laughed internally. She was known about town as the gossip queen. Straightfaced and quick-eared, she knew every secret that people cared to share and then some. But here she was, being talked about just out of earshot every night by the strange voices in her very own basement.
Some would say the way she talked behind others’ backs had ruined lives in the past. She was terrified that the hurried whispers she had heard in the musty space below might end hers.

Perhaps he had scared them off? Maybe tonight would be different? Perhaps she might actually get some sleep for the first time in four days. As the grandfather clock announced the arrival of 6 pm, she realized that she’d know the answers to those questions in a short while.


 

Tim Northford jumped as his mother threw open the door to his room.

“Get dressed! Quick!”

“Mom… what’s going on?!”

“I heard them, Tim!”

He could hear the basic terror in her voice. He’d only ever heard her this frightened and frantic once before, and he didn’t want to dive into those memories.

“Heard who?”

“The voices in her basement, Tim!”

He was dreaming. He had to be. He had spent more than ten dollars’ worth of time in Julie Donovan’s basement the afternoon before. He hadn’t seen anything out of the ordinary – no trace of how anyone could enter Julie’s basement without her knowing.

“She’s crazy, mom! Did she call you?”

“Yes, about 15 minutes ago.” She sounded winded, as if she hadn’t taken a decent breath in hours.

“She could tell I didn’t believe her – because I do trust you. So she carried the phone to the top of the stairs to the basement and left it there. I told her to get dressed as quickly as she could and wait out on the sidewalk for the police to get there. I called them on my cell phone.”

“Ok, so everything’s fine, then, right?”

“NO! I heard them, Timmy!”

“What did you hear?”
“Whispers that sounded — sounded awful. Not like they were coming from people. It sounded like a hundred people whispering the same words at once!”

“Ok, but what were they saying?”

“I don’t know – I can’t focus! Here, the phone’s still on…”

He hadn’t realized she had set the cordless phone down on his bed. She picked it up uneasily and handed it to him. He put his ear up to the receiver.

At first he heard nothing – just the low hum of the dehumidifier that he had seen in the basement the day before. Then, he picked up on a hissing noise that separated itself from the mechanical sound. Was it a man’s voice, or a woman’s? It sounded like both, with the voices of children mixed in. But, as his mother had said, all of the voices (or was it one?) spoke in unison:

“We know something the rest of them don’t, do we not? Yes. Yes we do.”

He felt the chill that he saw in his mother’s eyes crawl through him, grasping at his core.

“She knows everything about everyone. But she doesn’t know herself. Not like we do.”

He heard a sound that could only be identified as a laugh.

“Her own medicine! Such a bitter taste!”

A scream pierced his left ear through the garbly speaker of the cordless phone and the line went dead.