Wonderings

There are many moments when I simply wonder.

I wonder about a great many things: the universe from the largest scale to the smallest, the place of religion and spirituality in all of it, the way to leave a true legacy in life, etc. Those are all positive “wonderings” for the most part. Yet, sometimes, the negative questioning wins the arm wrestle and I’m forced to plunge my hand into looking at the world around me. I see things that just make one ask “why?” How can human beings be so careless? So cruel? So incredibly selfish? How can they justify trading lives for a piece of dried up land? How can they destroy marriages over fleeting pleasurable feelings – over loving words from someone who knows you have commitments? Why do they treat others with no respect simply because of their lifestyle choices or sexual orientation? Why do they view others as defined by stigmas of their race or religion? How can they view the future of the only home we have in the observable universe as less important than bills in their wallets?

I’ve had a lot more of those moments as of late for various reasons. There is very real, very potent hurt at work in the world trying to snuff out our growth and advancement as individuals and as societies. I see it everywhere I look: bathroom laws, police killings and police deaths, deceptions and affairs, children being denied an escape from seeing those they love killed needlessly around them, and so much more. All of these tragedies hurt the same for one person or another. My deepest hurt happens to be highly personal, but often hate and anger paint with large brushstrokes across entire groups of human beings. None of us are safe from it, even those of us doing the painting. Those of us running for high office and those of us breaking apart families are equally at risk of overwhelming hurt directed our way.

These are sobering thoughts, and often discouraging ones. They can lead to despair, whether you are the one facing down heartache or simply observing it. In my own struggles with this pain, I’ve found myself in places I never saw myself inhabiting and thinking thoughts that I never anticipated entertaining. Hurt can be a wake up call or the driving force for wanting to fall asleep, and neither of those is the lesser of two evils.

In the face of all of that, though, there are other times when I see something a bit different. Kindness. Sacrifice. People bearing the burdens of others upon their own backs. Protests. Forward thinking. Apologies. Raw honesty. True, reciprocal relationships. Love.

I dare say, I think every one of those things are stronger than the anger, hate, hurt, and selfishness that is highlighted in our vision every day. I’ve seen people have the strength to truly be there for another person when they feel like they can’t even get on their feet themselves. I’ve spoken for hours with someone who has the simple power to restore my faith in the future. I’ve heard stories of such redemption, seen such unlikely collisions of hope, and felt that there truly is still good in this world.

We will all be in the middle of this back and forth between positive and negative, light and dark for the rest of our lives. Those before us have braved it for hundreds of thousands of years. It’s so tempting to place a label on it. Some would call it the “human condition”, but two words fail miserably to encompass the depths and heights of it. There is no escape from it, so what do we do?

I think the answer to that question is relatively straightforward: we choose. Yet, that act of choosing is as far from straightforward as it gets. It’s filled with forks in the road at every turn. Will we live defeated by our hurt and pain of the world around us, or will we see those things as opportunities to learn and grow? Will we allow governments and law enforcement to discriminate and maim the communities that we are not a part of, or advocate for their rights and value as human beings? Will we let hurtful relationships define us, or take steps to truly love someone in an unconditional way?

Will I?

Will you?

There is hurt, and there is joy. One cannot exist without the other, but the choice is still ours as to which direction we steer our focus and our emotional energies. As a certain book of spiritual wisdom tells us, “Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” (Colossians 3:2)